11/11/11

Not a lot to say today except that today absolutely sucks.   Today is the day that I wanted to be getting married. Instead I am still stuck in limbo in my relationship and I won't even see Pete today.  This whole day has just put me in a bad mood.  Every time I see the date I am reminded of how I am not where I want to be in life and how I am just stuck waiting.  I worked 10 hours today and now I am about ready to go to a basketball game by myself tonight, because I have no close friends anymore.  It's depressing.  Really I just want to curl up in bed, cry and go to sleep.  I just want to be able to get married, buy a house, get a better job, and have kids.  I feel as though I am stuck in a entry level position at work, working my ass off just to barely get by.  I work 60 hours a week and have nothing to show for it.  I quit smoking and have yet to buy myself something to celebrate.  It all just sucks.  Then I am stuck waiting on Pete to buy a ring before I will ever get married.  He has 9 months until I will just go get my own.  And I have given up on Pete helping me save for a house so as of now I am going to save and buy a house and only have my name on it.  He needs to help me more.  I just wish he would understand the value of money once in awhile and try to help out more.  But he is beginning to work more and make more so we will see what happens.  My bet is still on him buying more phones, gadgets and things for them rather than help pay bills and save.  We shall see.  Right now I can barely make all the bills and there are ones that we dont' have to pay for a few months yet.  No way I can include those too.    Anyways, this is just an overview of all the shit I am dealing with right now and why I feel the way I do.  I will write more on all of it later, but I just needed to vent.